I realized today that since my weight loss surgery, I am down TWENTY SIZES. I used to wear a size 26/28, and now I wear a size six. While I know that repetition of my clothing size may come across as pompous, it's really because I still have trouble wrapping my brain around that. Twenty sizes. Jesus H.
This year also marks an important milestone - my 20th high school reunion. Uh, how did I get THAT OLD? While I certainly look 38 yrs old, I know for sure that I don't act it. My family and friends remind me of that constantly. I never went to my fifth, tenth, or fifteenth because I was too embarrassed of how much weight I had gained. But this year, I'm going. Oh HELL YEAH I'm going.
One of my dream-goals before surgery was to be able to walk into my 20th H.S. reunion wearing a strapless leopard-print dress. Tacky? Yes, but you all know my love of all-things-leopard-print, and I'm comfortable with who I am. I embrace the overthetopness. And so, vampy-vixen is how I want to be walking in there. And do you want to know why? HERE'S WHY:
Take a good look, people: that's me, my senior year of high school in 1990. I weighed about 210 lbs, which means I now weigh about 70 lbs less than I did when I was 18 years old. And not only was I heavy, but I was a band geek - as shown my complete lack of shame in this photo. And yes, that is a sweatshirt that I had made myself with puffy paints. Because being heavy, a band-geek, and having mile-high hair wasn't enough. I had to top it off by completely stripping myself of any sense of femininity or sexuality. It's pretty amazing that I didn't get my ass kicked every day of my high school existence. I may as well have just worn a chastity belt.
Or how about this one:
So now you know why I want to walk-in wearing a slinky leopard print dress.
While I'm proud of my weight loss, I'm also not thrilled about the uh, excess skin. And lucky me(!) all that excess skin resides in my middle section, making it difficult to wear sexy/vampy dresses. SO, I made an appt with a plastic surgeon. It's also medically necessary right now, but I'm not going to lie: I was thrilled my doctor finally recommended it, because I want my middle section GONE.
But guess what? When I visited the plastic surgeon, she told me I needed a "beltectomy" - basically a full tummy tuck all the way around, and a breast lift (Rob is rejoicing). It's 99% likely that insurance will not cover the upper and/or middle section of the abdominoplasty, only the lower portion from my belly button and below. They *may* cover the breast lift, but I may have to do several rounds of appeals in order to make that happen. Sigh. Visions of leopard print dresses hanging on hangers and not on my body danced through my head.
Look at this dress. I cannot give up. I really want to wear something like this:
(Only, I'd like to be standing upright when wearing it.)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know...whine-y bitch. The thing is, though, imagine losing 165 lbs and *still* not being able to wear a form-fitting sexy dress. Imagine going through a ton of medical procedures, losing a bunch of weight, and *still* having to dress to cover up your belly (well, cover it up as best you can) and feeling self-conscious about it. It's bothersome. It's not the end of the world, but it's bothersome. I know - superficial and conceited, but I just *really* wanted to feel like a hot ticket walking in there wearing something like this. Take a look again at that high school disaster picture as a reminder of why.
Maybe insurance won't make it happen, but I'll be damned if I'm going to give up on that dress. Rob and I are devoting ourselves to both the Couch to 5K Program,
and the YRG Fitness Program. Who knows, maybe with hard work, and some
serious heavy-duty Spanx, I can pull it off.
Hey, everyone needs goals, you know? If being superficial gets me to a place where I'm healthier, bonus, baby! Fingers crossed.
