Diva Taunia's Backstage Pass Official Blog

UPDATES, TV & AMERICAN IDOL

A few little updates to start this entry off:

• I've stopped losing weight.  I've consistently stayed within the 137-139 range for the past month, so I think the crisis point is past.  I could probably stand to gain a few lbs, but I'm happy as long as I don't lose anymore.
• I'm feeling MUCH better.  I still deal with pain and nausea every day, but it's getting less and less.  Before surgery, on a scale of 1-10, it was 100.  Last week, it was a 6.  This week, a 5.  That's improvement, and I'm looking forward to having zero pain again soon.  The kidney is healing.
• Some jackass stole our GPS system out of Rob's car.  We had it parked out front of the house with the windows down yesterday (because it was close to 90 degrees).  The kids and the dogs were outside, yet somehow they were able to reach into the car, lift the console, and take the system.  Of course, they don't have the charger cord for it, or the little window grippy thing, so it will become useless without them spending some money on it anyhow.  Serves them right.  People suck, sometimes. 

And now, because I feel the need to display how completely sedentary I've been for the past few months, a list of my favorite weekly shows.  Do I EVER leave the house??

• Big Love (HBO) - I love, love, love this show.  The season is over now, and I'm sad and impatient for it to start again.  "Big" thanks to my friend Michael, who introduced me to the show. 
• True Blood (HBO) - Clearly, I'm an HBO whore.  This season is over too and I CANNOT WAIT for it to start again.  It's sexy, smart, and totally engrossing.  Plus, you all know my thing for vampires.  New season starts in June!!
• 24.  Jack Bauer.  Need I say more?  Ok, I will say that I think the actress that plays Agent Walker is a horrible actress - she drives me batshit and makes this season just slightly less awesome for me.  Take her out of the episode, and you have my full 100% devotion again.
• Rescue Me (FX)  - I totally admit it, I'm hot for Denis Leary.  I even told Rob, and he's ok with it.  Seriously, though, I think the writing and acting on this is gritty, funny, and real. 
• American Idol (Fox) - I was off of this show for a long time, because I hated the hype and the overall ridiculousness of it.  More on this at the bottom.
• Lost (ABC) - Even though Rob and I say to each other "What the hell?!?"  EVERY WEEK, and even though we have no clue what is actually happening, we still love this show.  It's the wacky factor, I think.
• 30 Rock (NBC) - Ok, I have a girl-crush on Tina Fey.  She's HILARIOUS.  Obviously, she's a kick-ass writer, but her delivery and acting is also frickin hysterical.  But even more than her, I love, love, love Alec Baldwin.  He totally makes the show for me. 
• The Office (NBC) - They've lost me a little bit this season, but I still love the show.  I still remember when I first saw the original British version of this.  My friend Ben came over one night, and we watched MULTIPLE HOURS of it in a row.  I didn't think I'd like the US version, but how could you not with this cast?
• The Food Network - pretty much every show on this channel.  My obsession with food went from eating it to watching it - constantly.  I love Paula Deen, Giada, Sandra Lee, Barefoot Contessa (love Ina!), The Neeleys (these two are so, so cute), Guy Fieri (he just seems like someone who would be really cool to hang out with) and even slightly-annoying Rachel Ray.  But honestly, my favorite shows are the competitions like Chopped, and Food Network Challenge.  The good thing to come out of my Food Network obsession?  I've become a pretty kick-ass cook!

Ok, so a little more on American Idol.  I haven't watched this since the first or second season.  I just hate the whole formula of the show - the cookie cutter image, the ridiculous commentary from half-baked judges, the high school bickering between Paula and Simon, etc.  But, I have kids in the house now, and they watch it, so I've been tuning in as well.  And to be honest, as much as I still hate the formula, I'm REALLY impressed with the talent they have on there.

My favorites in this order are:  (3) Allison (2) Kris and (1) Adam Lambert. 

Allison:  jesus.  This girl is only 17??  Are you kidding me?  What a powerhouse voice.  As soon as she gets a little bit of life experience behind her, she's going to be unstoppable.  To be that vocally strong, and that polished onstage at such a young age, it's really mind-blowing.

Kris:  I think out of all the contestants, he's the most "musical."  I mean, it's clear that this kid is not only a great singer, but a great musician.  He took a song that I cannot stand (She works hard for the Money) and made me enjoy it.  He thinks about the music - not just showing off vocally.  And I like that he just sort of snuck up on everyone.  Plus, he's just adorable.  I want to grab his cheeks and pinch them like a grandma.

Adam:  I think this guy is head and shoulders above the crowd.  Obviously, he's got this huge and amazing voice.  Sometimes his vocal shtick can even annoy me, but you can't deny that he's just been blessed with this amazing, amazing instrument.  But beyond that, the real reason I love him (and think he's going to win) is because he's got that intangible something that makes him a star.  Sort of the Michael Jackson thing.  When he performs, you can't wait to see what he'll do.  He's never boring onstage, and in addition to his kick-ass vocals, he really knows how to put on a show.  Just the slightest things like sitting in a chair or making an entrance from the staircase - there's something really magical about him as a performer.

Ah, to be young and vibrant and have a life full of opportunity in front of you.  Oh wait, hey!  I'm only 37.  I'm going to quit writing in my blog and get my ass over to the piano!  (Cue Ryan Seacrest:  THIS, is DIVA IDOL!)   Adios, peeps!

WEEK # 56 WEIGH-IN RESULTS

I'LL TAKE THAT STEAK THROUGH A STRAW, PLEASE.

Yesterday I had follow-up appointments with both my kidney surgeron and my gastric bypass surgeon.  I walked away with good and bad news.  Of course, I hate even publicizing the bad news, because all the anti-WLS zealots will jump right on the bad news as proof of how horrible the surgery is.  Pre-existing conditions be damned!  Anything wrong with me HAS to be because of the gastric bypass surgery.  Sigh.

Anyhow...

Good news first:  my kidney is healing.  Hallelujah!  For those of you who may not know (huh?  how is that possible?!), I have been suffering from a bum left kidney since the end of last May.  Yes, almost a YEAR.  When I think about that, it truly blows my mind.  I have been in pain, vomiting, and have had multiple surgeries on this crappy kidney FOR ALMOST A YEAR.  What the hell?!!?

My kidney surgeon is the chief of surgery and a friend of my cousin (who is also a urology surgeon), and he took my case as a special favor to my cousin.  He told me that in almost 40 years, he's never seen a case like mine and has no explanation as to why this happened to me.  He actually said, "this is one for the textbooks."  I have to admit, as much as the whole experience sucked ass, it *is* a tiny bit cool that I'm this wacky, unexplainable phenomenon.  (My parents would probably vouch that was the case since my birth.)

He said that the hematoma is still there, but it's getting smaller and it's healing.  I still have pain and nausea, but it's definitely getting to be less and less with each passing day.  I'm still tired, but feel like I'm getting stronger with each day.  He said there was no blood in my urine, and my xray and ultrasound look really positive.   All we're waiting for now is the bloodwork to come back next week for final results.  All told, though, things are looking good and my body is healing. 

And now the bad news....

It was unfortunate timing for my kidney to act up this past year since I was also recovering from gastric bypass surgery.  All of the pain that I suffered caused serious nausea, and I had trouble eating.  I've literally been on painkillers and heavy-duty nausea medications since the end of May.  Add to that multiple surgeries and long periods of recovery, and eating can be a serious problem....which it has been.

Don't get me wrong:  I eat, just not a lot.  At this point (13 months out from WLS), I should be able to eat a small meal.  No way, Jose.  Also at this point, I should not be losing any more weight, and I am.  This is obviously due to recent kidney problems and hospitalizations, but even as I'm getting healthier and eating more, I'm still losing weight. 

Right now, I weigh 136 lbs.   Obviously, at 5'7", this is not at a crisis point.  I'm just concerned because I know that anywhere from 10-20 lbs of that is excess skin, meaning that my *real* weight is somewhere between 116-126 lbs - which is underweight for my height.  If I continue to lose weight, this will be a big problem.  So, I was able to set up an appt with my gastric bypass surgeon to discuss my concerns.

You know when your surgeon walks in and says, "Jesus Christ, Taunia...you're getting SKINNY" that it's NOT a good thing.  Nice to see you too, Doc.  Actually, I love him.  I love how down to earth and easy he is to talk to, and I love that there's no BS.  It's like talking to an old friend who really cares about your health.

I told him that I'm having a lot of trouble stomaching meats and more solid proteins in general and that the only thing I seem to be able to comfortably eat while I'm on medication is carbs.  I can eat a small bowl of cereal or some toast with peanut butter - no problem.  Fruits?  No problem.   A piece of chicken or beef?  Like one, maybe two bites if that.   Veggies?  Turns my stomach completely - bleck. 

The remedy?  Back to the protein shakes.  Three a day in addition to my regular meals.  And I need to start eating more.  Because the alternative is NOT pretty.  If I continue to lose weight, they'll be forced to place a feeding tube in me that hooks me up to a nutritional IV at night  Yeah, no worries.  I'll jam-pack stuff down my gullet before I'm hooked up to an IV machine again.  Basically, right now I have to eat anything with calories that I can get down my throat.

But this is scary territory.  I've been eating low-fat, low-calorie, 100 calorie, low-sugar, low-everything my entire life.  Now I actually have to switch to regular fat, regular sugar everything.  I mean, truth be told, I have an overeating disorder.  What if I start t overeat and put too much weight back on?  It's scary.  It's scary to be in this place where I don't want to lose any more weight (quite frankly, I don't like my body right now...it's too damn skinny), but also don't want to put my old weight back on.  It seems like a really delicate balancing act right now, and it scares the hell out of me.

In any case, I'm eating.  Often.  What scares me more than putting weight back on is being on a feeding tube for the rest of my life.  I'm not purposely losing weight, but then again, my medications keep me from having any real appetite, so I have to purposely eat....which is bizarre.

So much for not having to struggle with weight issues, huh?  Seems like this will be a lifetime battle for me...and just never go away.  Thankfully, my kidney is starting to cooperate, and maybe things will just work themselves out in the next few weeks.  For now, I'll just go have a high-fat, high calorie small sandwich followed by a protein-shake chaser.  I have until July 16th to get my weight back up to 150-ish.   Wish me luck!

VAMPIRES ARE HOT

I admit it:  I have a fascination with all things vampire.   I was one of the many who got immediately sucked (ha!) into HBO's new series TRUE BLOOD, and I have always loved vampire stories and movies.

What I've noticed recently, though, is that Vampires are making this huge, popular comeback.  I mean, they're EVERYWHERE.  Rob and I were lying around watching TV and FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL, and the main character is writing a Dracula musical with puppets.  Then I logged onto FACEBOOK and saw an update from one of my close friends that she was in the middle of reading vampire books.  I also have another friend who likes vampires so much that she had fake vampire teeth made.  I mean, we're a little crazy for the bloodsuckers.

I remember back in 1992, I fell madly and completely in love with Gary Oldman after seeing BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA. (Although I was admittedly pissed that they used boneheads Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves in the movie.  Two of the worst actors EVER.)  I was completely entranced with him - mostly because of his performance in the movie, but also because the character was just. so. sexy.  Seriously, I was hot for Dracula.

But I'm obviously not the only one.  Dracula, sex, and love have been all wrapped up together for a long time now and it's hard not to get drawn into it.  It's pretty fascinating to me that there's such a subculture in our society devoted to the bloodsuckers.  Then part of me has this bit of religious guilt about being fascinating because "IT'S WRONG."  Vampires represent darkness - and evil.  But hello, they're NOT REAL.  Why do I have any conflict (spiritually) about my fascination at all?   Wacky.

If anyone knows of any good vampire shows/movies/books, send them my way....because you know I loves me some Dracu!

WEEK #54 WEIGH-IN RESULTS

I'M NOT DEAD

And quite happy about that.  For those of you who may not know what I'm talking about, you can hear about my near-death experience here.

I know how cliche' this is going to sound, but being that close to death really makes you think about life and how you're living it.   First, I know how lucky I am to have so much love in my life from my friends and family, but I REALLY knew it when I was in the hospital.  I have never felt so completely surrounded by love (while at the same time feeling the worst I have ever felt in my entire life).  It made me realize how truly lucky I am to have so many amazing people in my life that love and care about me.  Sniff Sniff.

Secondly, the whole thing really made me re-think what's important to me.  I've been putting off music for about a year now.  Partially because I've been focused on losing weight, partially because I've been ill, but also a little bit because I'm back to all on my own again.  I don't have my guys to cling to for support, and have to make it happen all on my own now...which is a little daunting.   BUT, being that close to death made me realize that I still have a lot of song left in me, and I need to make music again.  I've got a plan, and I'll make that public at some point, but hopefully by the summer I'll have a full roster of performances again.   

Lastly, as I clung to life with a 76 over 36 blood pressure, and I started praying crazy hard to God, I realized that I cannot just call on him in those final moments.  And how many people told me they were praying for me while I was in the hospital?  And I survived.  Maybe there IS something to the power of prayer.  I've always believed in God, but I've played it fast and loose with my faith in him and need to find a way to get centered again.  I don't think church is the answer for me, but I'm also not entirely sure what is.  All I know is that I have much to be thankful for right now, and that I should not turn my back now that I'm back alive and feeling better.  I think a lot of reading and soul-searching is in order.

But don't worry, I think God really likes my sarcastic sense of humor, so I won't get all preachy and what-not on you.  In fact, this is probably the only time I'll mention it.  

So there it is:  I'm alive, and I've got some plans to live my life...to REALLY live it.  Who knows when I'll end up back in the hospital?  I mean clearly, I've got a bum kidney and that's not great.  So for now, I'll just live life with a lot of love and passion and music and remember to be thankful that I was and am surrounded by family, friends, and love.  Life is good.  :)