Today I was watching Ellen, and the new foxy-momma Biggest Loser, Helen, was on. She lost 140 lbs on the show, and is a lean, mean 117 lbs of super-sexy sass at 48 years old. When you see her, she's so tiny, but completely JACKED. She looks tiny, but strong. Badass!
Now rewind to a message that I got from a good friend of mine this morning. I love, love, love her and she's a truly dear friend. We've been discussing my current issue with losing weight and/or keeping weight on, and she said (in a very supportive and loving way), that she was concerned because I look "fragile." As much as I've been through in the past year, as sick as I've been, and as much weight as I've lost, I never thought I was (or could be) "fragile."
For as long as I can remember, I've always been sturdy and strong. Of course, I was as big as a house, so sturdy and strong comes with the territory. Despite being very overweight and unhealthy, I still considered myself young and strong, and I think most other people did too.
Reading the word "fragile" made me do a double-take this morning. I suddenly realized, "crap, I AM fragile." I can barely lift a gallon of milk. Walking up stairs? I may as well be running a 26 mile marathon - it feels equally arduous. The simplest of tasks involve a great deal of energy and resolve these days.
Now granted, my body has been through a LOT. I mean, I ALMOST DIED.*
But honestly? I'm not doing enough to get strong. I know I'm not. I know what I'm supposed to be doing:
- 3 protein shakes a day IN ADDITION to my normal meals
- increasing my caloric intake (say WHAT?? I still can't wrap my head around that)
- taking my multivitamins
- exercising - building muscle and bone strength
So what have I been doing?
- Protein shake, occasionally -(and occasionally is used VERY loosely here)
- taking 1 of the 4 multivitamins I'm supposed to take a day (in my defense, my tummy is still very sensitive and they make me queasy sometimes)
- exercising? does getting out of bed and cleaning the house count?
- eating more - yay! one out of four ain't bad, no? no.
I think I was telling myself that I was doing well because overall I'm feeling better, but I really need to be much, much more focused on my overall nutritional health. Helen from BL was saying what we've heard a million times: we need to make time for our health a priority. Dangit, Helen, you're right!
And as inspired as I was by Helen, I think what really got me motivated was seeing the word "fragile." Never in my life have I been called that, or WANTED to be seen as that. I have always loved my strength and sturdiness, and I don't like being weak, having to rely on Rob to do things (as simple as opening a jar, for cripes sake!), and just plain not taking care of my health. I didn't get this surgery to be unhealthy, so what the hell am I doing?
I know, I know...I've been recuperating and it takes time, but I have to commit myself to getting better all around - including my newly arranged plumbing. Consider this a wake-up call to myself. I'm going to get back to badass, back to strong, back to healthy, and back to living, yo.
*That was just for you, Rob & loved ones. You know I'm going to play that "I almost died" card for at LEAST a few more months!
**Bonus points if you know where that little pronunciation is from!