A few days ago, Melting Mama exposed a "Bariatric Advocate," who proudly introduced herself as the "Face of A Bariatric Program." MM was calling her out on some pretty horrible remarks this woman made on the Obesity Help message boards:
This, in turn, spurned a shit-storm of hate directed at this lady. Part of me feels a little bad for her, because I think part of her intention was to try and find a tactful way of dealing with it, but really, she just thought she was being funny and didn't even realize how discriminatory was she was being about the people she advocates for. Quite honestly, it made me furious to read not only because of her blatant disregard for the people she "helps," but because she, as a former fat-person, was being judgmental and discriminatory in the same way that she had probably been for most of her obese-life. (She has since deleted the post.)
And this is not the first time I've read/seen/heard this.
Unfortunately, I stopped reading the OH message boards and visiting obesityhelp.coma while back. It seems like there were constant battles, constant insults, and really snarky people there. Additionally, my contacts there - who I had formerly done some promotional exchanges with - just suddenly started ignoring me, my emails, and the winners of the prizes that they had promised on my radio show. Not cool. Not professional. (And yeah, I'm still a little peeved that they asked me to be a feature in the magazine, with several emails back and forth, me taking the time to answer all of their questions and phone calls, and then being blown off - with zero explanation. If you don't like me, that's cool, but at least have enough respect to send a polite "no thanks" email back.) I want OH to be a positive place for me, but it never has been. I get too disappointed by what I read there. Anyhow, I disgress...
I keep feeling blown away by some really judgemental comments from people within the wls community, and this isn't limited to OH, it's everywhere. Here's are a few examples:
"as I said "I FAILED" and I would NEVERhave RNY. I am healthy even tho i'm overweight and will just stay where I am at this point. I've seen wayyyy too many health issues with RNY and would choose being in a size 14 over those issues"
"The lady that does my mom's hair had RNY and sure doesn't look like she has. I think she's put on a bunch of weight. I was telling my mom some of the things that I'm not supposed to do after surgery (drink pop) and she said "the gal that does my hair drinks a ton of diet coke". So I'm thinking it can't be the diet coke that made her put weight on (could it?) I'm guessing she isn't following the rules - and I have no clue how far out she is,,, 4+ years I'm guessing. "
Ah yes, the age-old "she's not following the rules." We're always so ready to launch a verbal grenade at one of our own because we can't even entertain the thought that the choice that we've made, the surgery that we've placed all of our sanity and emotional strength into, can't POSSIBLY NOT be the miracle-cure we were hoping for. And are there people who don't follow the rules? Absolutely, I'm one of them. Will you be one of them too? Yep, so maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge.
A few weeks back, a well-known You Tuber had posted a picture of a girl wearing tight pants. Apparently, she thought this girl should not be wearing them because she was on the chunky side. I just thought that was INCREDIBLY judgmental. To actually take. out. a. camera. Oy. And what was worse was that there were a gazillion comments joking and making fun of this poor girl - from the WLS community.
And then there was my Susan Powter video. I actually had a debate with a good friend of mine who felt incredibly upset by the comments she read on this video. I had spoken about some comments that Susan made and that I had disagreed with. The comments that followed - OH. MY. GOD. Hateful, nasty comments towards Susan. I had to do a follow-up video because of the hipocracy of it all. My friend's point? The WLS Community wants understanding and acceptance. We're never going to get it if we turn around and launch verbal attacks on others that don't agree with us. You can certainly disagree with her and her opinions, but throwing hate at her? How is that helpful? I don't get it. I couldn't believe the amount of people who were ready to attack her in the nastiest of ways. You can do both: disagree AND be respectful.
Look, I'm not perfect, I've judged too, I know I have. It's hard not to because that's the kind of society we live in. Our media gloats when there's "failure" and exposes that for every embarrassing second it can. I think you have to be pretty damn-near perfect to not fall into the trap of the "omg, what happened to him/her!" mentality every once in a while.
BUT.
I think that this is a perfect example of "remember where you came from." Remember how it felt to be judged, to be stereotyped, to be looked it, to be made fun of. REMEMBER IT. Just because you've lost weight does NOT give you the right to pass judgment on someone else. And geezus, in the very same community that you yourself came to/go to for support.
I know snarky can sometimes be funny, and I know that we can make fun of ourselves and each other in a loving and supportive way too. But judgmental comments like the above stuff? Not funny. Not helpful. Not good. We've got to work to be better to each other. Weight loss maintenance isn't a one year or two year thing, it's for life. Support is needed FOR LIFE.
We need to give what we get. Myself included. I do my best to be a positive role model, but I'm human, and I slip sometimes too. But I'm working at it, as we all should.
Come on, lovelies, we're better than this.
